Many studies have examined the question: Was the man who abuses women himself abused as a child? Research has found only a weak connection between cause and effect. Other indicators of a man’s abuse toward his partner have been identified, as will be explained later. Researchers also observed that those who were abused in childhood tend to become violent toward other men rather than toward women.

The only exception involves men who are severely and frighteningly physically abusive toward women; these men often have a history of being abused as children. In other words, a difficult childhood does not cause a man to become abusive, but it can contribute to making an abusive man more dangerous.

If abuse were merely the result of childhood psychological wounds, abusers might be able to overcome their problems through psychotherapy. However, there is no evidence of an abusive man achieving significant and lasting change through psychotherapy alone. (Chapter 14 explains the difference between psychotherapy and abuser intervention programs, and how the latter can produce positive results.)

An abuser may succeed in addressing other psychological issues and gaining better self-awareness, but his abusive behavior will persist—and often worsen. In many cases, he uses therapy to develop more complex justifications for his behavior and new excuses for it. He may even use what he learns in therapy to portray his partner as mentally unstable or invent new ways to make her feel responsible for his psychological distress.

Abusive men are often highly skilled at crafting stories of misfortune, and childhood abuse can be one of the most effective ways to elicit sympathy from others.

Some abusive men find in blaming an unhappy childhood a newly acceptable excuse: by focusing on their mother’s mistakes, they shift the blame onto a woman (the mother) as the cause of their abuse of another woman (the partner). This explanation may also resonate with the abused woman herself.

#Abuse

Your Guide to Understanding Abuse in Romantic Relationships
Author: Lundy Bancroft
Translation: Dr. Aisha Khalil Abdel Karim

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